I buried my face in your hoodie.
It smells like something that’s not going to last forever…
i’m not even sure now why i was invited. if you knew his best friend was going to be there too why would you invite me also? i know you wanted him to have another friend, but i’m no where as close to him as she is. that’s why he didn’t invite me, right? he knew this was going to happen; he knew i’d feel ignored, because, really, i was. but seriously, what the fuck why are you going to go through my phone you asshole? mind your own god damn business, stay away from my shit.
I really am just your friend, huh? If you can even call me that because I sure haven’t been friendly on your senior trip. This was supposed to be a fun time for you to spend with your friends and have fun and I just pouted and acted like an asshole the entire time. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me that I don’t want to be a part of the fun you all had together.
This is fucking bullshit
You of all people should know how this would have turned out. I seriously can’t be around so many people I don’t know. I mean, I hardly know them and sure I’ve talked to them and we act like we’re buddies but we’re not and you’re the only person I know on this trip and you’re fucking ignoring me. “I don’t want to leave you (all alone).”? A little too late for that, huh? That’s such a fucking lie when all you did yesterday was ignore me and leave me all alone.
That’s great this is your senior trip, so if I’m “ruining” it just fucking leave me alone and do your own thing. Just fuck right off.
I don’t even know what’s wrong with me any more. It’s just that I can’t stand being around people, even if I know/like them. I’m just sick of people right now.
So basically, the girl I had a dream about (I pretty much tried to kill her) is going to be at graduation today and he has to talk to her. He could just avoid her or something, right? But no, he’s going to talk to her. I really don’t want him to talk to her. I wish I could slam her head through the wall.
I had a dream that this girl I hated was back (because she’s moving back “home”) at my high school and I was with my friend and I was talking about how I just wanted to kill her. And then this officer comes up to us and puts the girl I hate’s body in front of my on a table and shows her face all bloody and she’s barely breathing and he told me I was going to jail because I had tried to kill her. Her lungs were filled with dirt/dust because my shoe was on her face and everything. I actually believed him too even though I didn’t dream that I was doing that to her. I actually felt a bit guilty.
I still hate her.
I just feel so broken tonight. I feel like it every night. I’m broken, we’re broken, everything is just broken. And I can’t tell you because you’re the reason. I can’t tell you when I’m angry because it’s because of you. I don’t even know what to do anymore.
